I’ve avoided structure, in running, writing, or anything I’ve dictated as a hobby because I told myself I didn’t want to rob these activities of the joy I initially was experiencing. But, when you spend so much time dedicated to certain activities, they can become more than just hobbies, especially if you treat them that way.

I share this anecdote to highlight two realizations that became crystal clear to me after this weekend’s accomplishment: you don’t have to feel like it to show up, and if you keep showing up you’re going to move the needle.

People appreciate effort. It doesn’t have to be exorbitant or unprecedented. Just a little more than what’s expected.

The interesting observation about today’s disconnected and too-comfortable world is that any additional effort can oftentimes be received as exorbitant or unprecedented.

I wanted to run ultramarathons. 

And not just any ultramarathons. Mountain ultras. The things I had read about in books and seen in YouTube videos, but never thought I’d be capable of.

I decided I was going to go all in to truly test my body and my mind.

We came back home and things settled down for a bit as they often do on any good Sunday. I walked into the living room where Callie was lounging on the couch. I stared at her for some time, appreciating her innocence, calmness, and contentment. I turned and made my way out of the room, but she could sense I was there.

Sometimes, all you can do is appreciate the good days, don’t wait until tomorrow to do the things you want to do today, and love the ones you got while you got them.

And remember, you must die.

This is a difficult journey, and the road ahead is easier with company. No one wants to fight their demons alone. Reach out to the people who care the most. Talk about your challenges. Ask for support whenever it’s needed. And if your support system is small or nonexistent, then search for a group to help you fill that void.

It’s hard enough to explain why you would want to run 100 miles in 24 hours to someone, but to explain why you still log 50-100 mile training weeks without any race scheduled or any events in mind is even more difficult.

The 5 AM wake-up is not something I created and it’s not some revolutionary idea - just get up earlier so that you have more time and focus to do the things you want or need to get done.

Simple.

But putting it into practice is where things become difficult.

I realized that I was living in a state of mental purgatory. No matter how long I kept those mountains on that wall, my son was never going to come home to us. I was holding onto something that was holding me back, and it was starting to become a bit unhealthy. What was once seemingly a comfort had turned into a magnifier for my depression.

So again, what do you do when you can’t control what’s happening to you?

I wasn’t what you would classify as a raging alcoholic, but I sure could throw a few back once I got started.

And once I got started, that was typically where my day ended. Productivity out the window along with my capacity to care for the feelings of others.

I felt myself losing control.

I’m glad that I’ve been forcing light onto the darkness because I can explore things with a more complete perspective, rather than just wallowing in the negativity. Also, if you open your mind you’re able to capture moments that you might have missed otherwise. I would bet that those searching for silver linings often come across more than their counterparts.